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컨그레츄레이션
01.11.17
저두 그런적...
나 학겨에서 맨날 폼잡는다구 머라구 다들 속으로 말해요... |
| 그래.... 내 맘속에 말못하는 말들.... 다 공개한다... │ 미정 | |||
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나.. 오늘하루도 슬픈 내 가슴 안고 남은기운 다 모아 일어나 하루 보내고, 나 혼자 강하고 냉정한척 하지... 나, 다른사람들한테 이런 내 약한모습 보이기 싫어서, 흘릴눈물도 안흘리고, 마음속에 하고싶은말도 안한다.... 그래서 사람들, 나 오해하고, 괜히 무게잡는다고 욕하고, 짜증난다고한다... 그럴지도모르지... 사람들은... 내가 무슨 생각을 하는지도 몰르니깐... 하지만.. 물론... 지금까지 말못하고 있었지만... 나, 오늘은 너무 힘들고, 외로워, 이렇게라도 내 마음 공개하려고 한다.. 물론 니가 이곳에 올리가 없겠지.... 그래도.... 너에게 하고싶은말, 오늘 여기서 하고싶다.. 가명도 쓰기싫다... 조금도, 거짓이란 쓰고싶지 않으니깐... 7월달.... 몃칠인지는..... 기억나지 않지만....... 나는... 멀리서 너를 보았다.. 전에도, 내 주위에 있었겠지만.. 난 너의 존재도 몰랐었다.. 하지만... 그날.... 나는 너보고, 첫눈에 반했고, 그 다음 몃칠간 너 생각만 했고, 밤에도 잘수가 없었다.. 내 머리속에는 너에 이름만 계속 기억이 났고, 일이 손에 잡히지 않았다... 그렇게 몃칠을 헤메다, 나중에는 포기하게 되었다.. 그리고 한달이 지났지....... 우리 집에서... 먼 곳으로 떠나는 버스에 타게 되었다... 미국으루.... 근데..... 이게 왠일인가..... 그렇게 속으로 그리던 니가 같은 버스에 있었다.. 너는, 나에게 먼져 말을 걸어주었고, 너에게 다가갈수 있게... 해 주었다.. 너와 함께 보낸 5일..... 잠시나마 난 행복했다.. 착각했다..... 우리 둘, 꼭 함께할 사이라고 착각했었다.. BUT THOSE THING YOU SAID, WITHOUT PUTTING ANY THOUGHTS INTO IT, BROKE MY DREAMS, AND I WAS BACK TO WHERE I WAS LEFT, ALL ALONE, AND REALIZED THAT A GUY LIKE ME, DON'T DESERVE YOU.. I TRIED MY BEST TO FORGET YOU, AFTER HAVING ALL THOSE PRECIOUS MEMORIES, WITH YOU FOR 5 DAYS...... AND IT KINDA WORKED, AND I WAS BACK ON TRACK, TO MYSELF.. BUT......... WHEN I HAD A CHANCE TO SEE YOU IN OCTOBER.... WHEN I KNEW, THAT I WAS GOING TO SEE YOU ON OCTOBER 20TH.. I WAS ALL EXCITED TO SEE YOU FROM DAYS BEFORE THAT DAY, AND THOUGHT OF WHAT I SHOULD SAY WHEN I MEET YOU.... AND WHEN I SAW YOUR FACE...... WHEN I SAW YOUR EYES... I FELL IN LOVE, ONCE AGAIN.. I HAD UNDYING EMOTIONS FOR YOU, AND WANTED TO LET OUT ALL MY PASSION FOR YOU, BUT I DIDN'T HAVE COURAGE TO DO THAT... AND THE REASON I DIDN'T HAVE COURAGE TO TAKE A STEP, CLOSER TO YOU, IS BECAUSE I WAS AFRAID, OF WHAT YOU'D JUDGE ME AS...... I WAS WORRIED THAT YOU MIGHT LOOK AT ME LIKE A GUY, WHO IS ABSOLUTELY CRAZY ABOUT GIRLS, AND A TOTAL PLAYER, AND THE REASON I WAS WORRYING ABOUT THAT, IS BECAUSE OF MY PAST, MY HISTORY THAT YOU PROBABLY HEARD FROM YOUR FRIENDS.... SINCE I LIKED ONE OF YOUR FRIEND A YEAR AGO, AND KIND OF TRIED TO RUSH THINGS, I'VE GIVEN A BAD IMPRESSION OF MYSELF TO PEOPLE.. SO.. HERE I AM..... IT'S ALMOST BEEN A MONTH SINCE I'VE SEEN YOU, AND I HAVE NO WAY TO REACH YOU, NO WAY TO SEE YOU... I AM TOTALLY MISERABLE, AND ALL I CAN DO IS SIT HERE AND MISS YOU IN MISERY, CRYING OUT FOR YOU..... I HOPE YOU FEEL THE SAME WAY, AND I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.. I'VE NEVER BEEN SO LOST....... ALL I WANT TO TELL YOU.. IS ABOVE, AND ALL I CAN DO... IS WISH YOU THAT YOU WILL CARE.. I MISS YOU V... |
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